On Not Moving with a Frantic Mind

I don't know what to do with myself today.
Can't sit still.
Can't move about.
Can't focus.
Can't get myself to want to focus.
No mail came for me. Might as well go back to bed.
Next weekend is moving day... should be packing up. Is it weird that even though we're moving next Saturday I feel like it's too early to pack up?* What if I need my stationery? What if I need my purple pashmina? Do I really need to take down my picture collage above my desk today?
This is grasping.
If I pack up  my Dharma books, I'll inevitably want to reference one of them after the box is full and taped.
This is clinging.
If I packed up everything but the bare essentials (who defines what's essential?), seeing everything else sit for a week would drive me batty.
This is NOT renunciation.
What if I just said screw it, procrastinated and watched some tv instead?
I don't want to watch tv. At the new place, we won't even have a tv. And for a while, we won't have internet either.
Let's look at the upside: the new place is close to the Dharma center, and just a few blocks from the beach. Not that we really go to the beach, but it's there nevertheless. It is a little place where I'll be able to cook and write to my heart's content. I hope to be very happy there.
I'm going to get a rubber tree plant. And maybe a purple wandering jew.* Spider plants are nice but I dislike their name.
What if there are spiders in the new place!?
I have my bug buddy bug catcher to safely remove them.
I already wrote out our moving announcements. I could walk them to the mailbox but I'm not suitably dressed for an outing. I could be suitably dressed but my bed head would give my crazy away. I was going to say cray-cray away. How stupid is that?
A good thing about moving is that I'll get to see all the artwork that's been stored away for so long. My grandfather's paintings, my Tibetan thangkha collection, my great grandmother's portrait. My altar!
Mine, mine, mine. All these things that I've successfully lived without for over a year but couldn't part with all those times I purged and sorted and donated other things. These are the essentials. The fundamentals. The things I define as mine.
I'm still disappointed about the mail.
Maybe I'll find some lunch now.



*most of our stuff is already packed and in storage anyway
*I'm sorry I don't know the proper biological name for the plant

Six Word Saturday: Two Pitch-ins in One Week!?

Cooked like a fool this week.

Wordless Wednesday: With Words

courtesy Anne Taintor

Looking Ahead: Kind Directions from My Teacher

I recently received two emails that pleased me very much.

A few days ago I took a chance and sent an email to my Buddhism Teacher. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but he's rather modern, and immensely kind, so I took the risk. His reply was swift and wisdom-filled and gave me permission to send him another email with some questions regarding a spiritual practice I am considering undertaking, the 8 Mahayana Precepts, for the holy Tibetan month of Saka Dawa (most of June) in which we celebrate the birth, enlightenment and death of Shakyamuni Buddha (the historical Buddha). His response was, again, swift and wisdom-filled and I'm so very thankful that he had time to answer. As the abbot of a monastery and a great Buddhist practitioner, he's extremely busy. That he should take time out of his busy life to answer my silly Dharma questions is extremely heartening and wonderful. I am truly blessed.

I had been considering doing a long-term fast during Saka Dawa that would allow me only to eat between sunrise and noon. In addition to eating vegetarian, I would also abstain from eggs, radishes, onions and garlic. These are the traditional "black foods" though I'm not exactly sure why they're called black. I think that they can excite the body and that's counter-productive to meditation. They might also be farty foods... I've heard both explanations. Rinpoche said that onions can cause "some physical changes that may trigger some bad type of emotion." I LOVE onions but would like to avoid bad types of emotions, so they'll be nixed during the fast. I say I had been considering doing the fast but after the email from Rinpoche, it's definitely ON. He gave me three options for keeping the ordination (it's considered a temporary ordination though you could take them for life if you wanted to): whole month, half month, or three special days. I'm still pondering which to do, or maybe I'll do them in stages. Obviously I have a few weeks to work out the details.

And details there will be. Being diabetic, fasting can be tricky. I know I can be a bear when I'm hungry so I'll need to be mindful of that and not do or say anything that creates any negativity. The karma created during this month is multiplied a billion fold (well, something like that) so participating in virtuous activities is encouraged. I'll continue to sponsor Ani Yangchen-la at Dolma Ling in Dharamsala, and hopefully also sponsor some butterlamps in honour of the flourishing of the Buddha's teachings. I should get out my prayer wheel, too...

Here's to a meaningful and fruitful Saka Dawa!

Six Word Saturday: Stinky Dog

Dog needs a bath. HATES water. 

37: Unique and Colourful

Today is my birthday. I'm 37. 


Typically I do a fundraiser for Students for a Free Tibet but this year I'd simply like to invite you to do something kind for someone today. Buy the person behind you a coffee. Hold the door open. Write someone a letter (I'm not hinting!). Do something kind and then rejoice in creating positive merit, and dedicate that for the benefit of all sentient beings. Dedicate it for the long lives of the Teachers who guide us. Dedicate it so it's "locked" and can't degenerate in these degenerate times.

In which California doesn't trust Indiana, or the Feds, to tell them who I am

My tale begins last Wednesday. I had an appointment with the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my California driver license. I showed up on time, with everything I thought  I ought to have, and was ushered through to a window where a nice gentleman processed my application. I was almost to the end, and ready to go take the written test, when I noticed that the receipt he gave me had my maiden name on it.

"Can I get this with my married name?" I asked.

"We have you in the system under Montague. To change it we'd need to see your marriage certificate," the nice man replied. "Do you want to stop now and come back another time?"

He proceeded to explain to me that if I went ahead and got the license with the wrong name (they had me under my maiden name from when I got my original driver license when I was 17), I'd just have to come back with the marriage certificate and pay an extra $25 to update the license to my married name. Never mind that my current Indiana driver license, my passport, and my social security card all have my married name on them. No, they need to see the marriage certificate.

Pan to me with a dumbfounded look on my face. *duh*

I informed the nice man that I would like to stop the proceedings and made another appointment for next Wednesday wherein I'll go through all the steps again, only with a copy of my marriage certificate in hand. If I can find it.

Just where is a copy of our marriage certificate? In the file cabinet? In storage? Could I have turned it into stationery and mailed it to someone? That'd be just like me. I'll spend some time on Sunday trying to locate the darn thing. I'm usually much more organized about these things but since we moved over a year ago I've been sort of confused by my own organizational system. I should maybe work on that.

Six Word Saturday: Saturdays & Sundays Off!

Last working Saturday for a while!

Finally got weekends off like normal. 

Sravasti Abbey's 21 Million Manis Campaign

artist's rendering of Sravasti Abbey's Chenrezig Hall

The Friends of Sravasti Abbey kicked off their 21 Million Manis campaign this week. The idea is for all Sravasti Abbey supporters to help accumulate great merit to aid in the means and conditions for Chenrezig Hall, a new community building and guest house, to be built. They are encouraging folks to say the Chenrezig mantra Om Mani Padme Hum, to keep count of your manis, and report the number back to FOSA via their website. Our aim is for 21 million manis by Tibetan Vesak, June 4th. It will take great resources, funds, and the proper conditions to arise for this project to be accomplished. By saying manis we can help! 

The FOSA website has some great resources for the project, including a long and short Chenrezig practice, and a mani-counting worksheet. 

In Which Saturdays and Sundays are Exactly Where They're Supposed to Be

I'm giving my friend Cate's Punch in the Face award to myself today. 

*punch*punch*punch*

Guess who didn't use her planner well, and hence showed up for work today on her day off? 

mememememememeeeeee. I high-tailed it out of there once I'd realized my mistake. Just last Sunday I was advised that they'd changed my schedule to M-F with weekends off. But I was told one thing, got emailed another, and amongst it all didn't write any of it down, so I was just left topsy-turvey and in the wrong place at the wrong time. So it turns out that I still have to work this upcoming Saturday, but it should be the last one for a while. My Fridays will really be Fridays, instead of my Saturdays or Tuesdays being Fridays and Sunday never being Sunday. Now Saturday will be Saturday and Sunday will be Sunday and Monday will be that day everyone grumbles about while Wednesday will be "we're almost to Friday" day.