Being part of a big family has its perks. There's always someone around with which to hang out and laugh. It's an easy way to grow your Facebook friends count, too. Not to mention the unconditional love and support offered by family. But sometimes too many voices can cause some strife. Sometimes personalities clash and sometimes feelings get hurt. Now I'm no expert in family, being that I've just be reunited with mine after a decade away, but I thought I might be about to share some insight into how folks in big families could work to get along better.
1. Be aware of what you're saying (aka no one's going to help you get your foot out of your mouth). When talking with family members whom you know to have differing views than you, it's prudent to hold your tongue and simply not discuss controversial topics. No good comes from it. It's not an exercise in intellectual debate. You could do a lot of damage to my view of you if, say, you were to mention your love of Sarah Palin. My judgeyness is my problem but who's to say how big a person I am and whether I can get over my laughing fit to take you seriously ever again. So anyway, it's best not to bring it up. Other things off the table: religion, global warming, politics, socio-economics. Pretty much we should just talk about the weather.
2. Recognize that no one "does" anything to you. What you're feeling is YOUR reaction to someone else's action. Take responsibility for your judgeyness and don't pout when someone hurts your feelings. If you really feel you must mention it, do so AFTER you're over being hurt because otherwise you just sound like a whiner. I mean, you've got to stick up for yourself but don't go overboard with the theatrics. And certainly don't complain to other members of the family, either assuming it won't get back to the hurter or with specific intention that it does. That's being passive aggressive and it's for p*ssies. I'm not playing here.
3. Don't assume you know everything (aka Mind your bidness). Hints and suggestions on new ways to solve new problems are always encouraged (see point 1). However. However. You mustn't be insulted if your suggestion is turned down, or perhaps tried and fails. There may be factors at work that you're not aware of. That doesn't mean your suggestion is bad, though. Families need to do what families need to do to get on with each other. That sometimes means compromising our best intentions so that our family member can continue to get on with her/his life. Your sister doesn't live your life and you don't live hers. You know and love her but you don't know how she works within her own family (husband, kids).
[steps down off soapbox]
