Currently, Possibly, Futurish, Eventually

I've been participating in a 30 Day Reinvention Project since 10 January. The project has posed many questions that've taken a lot of thought, and provided me with some new healthy information to integrate into my life. One of the lessons posed was about crafting your "ideal day" and "ideal life." I was a touch stumped by the exercise. I'm not entirely sure what my ideal day would look like but I think I have an idea of what I'd like my life to be. But does the exercise mean my ideal day in my current life? Or my ideal day ideally, without restrictions? Either way, I'm having a hard time differentiating between what I think I'd like to do and what I think I should do. Hmmm.

To be honest, I feel sort of limited in what I can "craft" because I have family to consider. If it was just me (no husband, no pets), my crafted life would be a lot different. But because I have responsibilities (let's call them blessings), a certain amount of realism is required.

Currently, we're full time squatters with family, all our possessions in storage. My husband is gone 99% of the time, out on the road with his truck. I work down the freeway in the OC. I am unhealthy, poor and have a bad hair-twirling habit. Everything needs fixing.*

If I could tweak my current situation, I'd like to live within blocks of Gaden Shartse Thubten Dhargye Ling, in a little breezy (affordable) cottage with lots of windows. I'd work from home and putter around with my pets. My husband would be home whenever possible, and we'd do little home improvement projects and visit my family on the east side on Saturdays. Every once in a while, we'd have family and friends over for supper and conversation. I would walk regularly (circuambulating the gompa) and home-cook all our meals. My health would improve, my 401K would grow, and everything would be on-track.

Monkey wrench: My husband's place of work is in San Gabriel Valley. That's about 30 minutes north of where we are now. He wants to live near his workplace. It's an hour from my work. Though I just started the job, I know I have a goal of working from home. Once I qualify, living in SGV won't be a problem. It's more affordable than staying in the South Bay and it's more likely we'll be able to find a place to rent that'll accept my dog.

What'll probably happen for the time being: We'll stay bunkered down here while I work to qualify to work from home. Then we'll find a small house to rent in SGV somewhere that'll accept us and my pets. I'll work from home, my husband will continue to work and be home maybe 1 week a month. I'll come down to the south bay about once a month to attend teachings at GSTDL (I'll also try to attend at LCB) and see the family.

What'll probably eventually happen: I predict we'll end up in a trailer in San Gabriel Valley. Me, him, the pets. Me working from home, him on the road. I'll do my best to make a trailer a home, knowing its value will never appreciate. It'll have a little patch of grass in the back for Lala's potty, and an astro-turf covered deck that I'll fill with houseplants and plastic patio furniture. There'll probably be a Yuban can ashtray filled with sand and incense sticks.

What I'd prefer: I'd like to have a nice, sturdy house with a secure yard in West Covina, near Land of Compassion Buddha. I'd work from home (somehow miraculously making a good living), and my husband could sell the trucks and retire. I'd like him to return to doing art. We'd have a guest room and I'd have an office where I'd do all my high-tech, eagle-eye auditing.

What I dream: We'd own the little cottage near GSTDL, and we'd be independently wealthy. I would work full-time on the behalf of the Tibetan Nuns Project and other Buddhist monastic support groups, rescue and foster rabbits & guinea pigs and generally do whatever I could to help other folks.

So... where's the middle ground?


*Don't misunderstand these statements for ingratitude. I'm VERY grateful for everything I have.